So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
