Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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