is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
