Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
