addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize