yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like God shit irony all over that family
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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