How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
