I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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