i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
