if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
