it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
