Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
