She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
