My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
