I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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