1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
