the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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