i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
do nipples grow back?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
