you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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