I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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