i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize