Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
