Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
