You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
