I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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