How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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