i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
