do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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