yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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