You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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