god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
