happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
