Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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