I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize