Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
