Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
