When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
