i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
