remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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