I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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