I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
