i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
