1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
