I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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