he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize