Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
