every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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