I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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