I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
