Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
