DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
