Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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