He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
