I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
