Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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