I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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