omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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