Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
