you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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