I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
