Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
