I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
