Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
