I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
