Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
