Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
