WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
